I am human. I struggle, I stress.
Sometimes I start letting physical details & human priorities dictate my reality. I so often lose sight of who God is and who I am. God has asked me to walk with him, to live by faith and not by sight. To be a missionary with YWAM means that I live off of the generous support of others, in order to fulfill His will. You see this keeps me completely dependent on God and not on my own strength or actions. He takes me into all the world as I trust him step by step. Most times I don’t understand how I paid for all that he brought me to. As much as I could work, and sometimes try, for hours on end to fundraise to cover living expenses, the funds always end up coming through in a miraculous way. A way that I had nothing to do with. It is really simple, it is all about trust. I live this trust out daily, and some days I struggle, hard.
When I felt God leading me to Europe for a vision trip for a few weeks, my first thought was this: but God how will I pay for it all?
Let's stop right there. See how my question was how I will pay rather than, God how do you want to provide? It is so easy to come from the wrong perspective. God is a God of miracles & I am simply His daughter. A little daughter doesn’t stress and worry about their daddy providing, she just knows He will right? Oh but I stressed. God provided in amazing ways and I took a step of faith and bought my ticket and got on that plane... and then I stressed a bit more.
I am having an amazing time and I know that this trip is from the Lord. He is daily refreshing my spirit and my creativity, He is making me feel alive. This trip has many purposes: to gain strategy and wisdom for a future Communications DTS that God is leading me to pioneer, to meet with people that have similar vision, to learn what works and what doesn’t work with a multimedia focus DTS. As I walk each day here in Europe I feel another, extra purpose solidifying itself: God wants to bless me, to bless His precious and beloved daughter. He not only wants to complete His purposes to mold me into the woman and the leader he has dreamed up, but also to bless me and walk with me as I enjoy and discover these places with Him. His desire for me is not to stress and be consumed by thoughts of money. Do I have enough? How will I pay rent when I get home? Trust.
While we must walk in wisdom, God does not want us to focus on the physical things, to let them consume us. He is imploring me, to look to him, to enjoy Him and who He is in each moment. He desires me to realize His purposes and to love the people I am brought into the same path with. When I focus on the stress of the money, I miss out; those things- the beauty, the blessing, they become diminished.
I long to be a woman of faith and I definitely don’t want to miss out on the beauty God has for me because I’m blind and looking the other way. In the gospels an offering from a small boy of a few loaves and fishes, was blessed by Jesus and fed thousands. Jesus takes our small offerings of faith and makes them into something great. The trick is to offer up what little we do have and watch to see what he does with it!
Jesus you orchestrate my destiny and my finances. You’ve got me. I’m all in. I will trust you here in the mystery. I don't know how all of my expenses will be covered, but I do know the One who is covering them.
Here is my offering, my loaves and my fish: I offer all of who I am, my future, my resources and my gifts. I give them all to you Lord, make them into something beautiful.